At this moment, I am not yet 30 years old. Sometimes I live through months and then look back, and it feels like yesterday. But when I am here and now, this second also feels like however.

I am very, very confused about my own life. I spent much time thinking about why I am different than other people around my age. Why can’t I just be normal and stop questioning everything. I see here there are fellow Substancers – Socrates and Nietzsche, and I wonder did they question about this as well, since they were also humans who questioned a lot. Or, were they just okay with what they did and how they die.

There should be a purpose, of this life. Religions give us purpose, but these days many don’t believe it anymore, due to the human institutions who was meant to convey religious purpose being devil. We are pushed to this point to Nihilism. But I don’t think that’s the end of it.

I tell myself: let’s live through today, and maybe tomorrow. Let’s see what happens. Then within a short realization it is another year. Still, this feels long.